Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Why can orphans never go on field trips?
Because they can’t get a parent signature.
Your Nan is dead.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home plate.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
The reason your dad never came back with the milk is 'cause he ran 88 mph downhill.
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home.
You can slap, punch, knock out an orphan, what will they do? They don't have parents!
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't have a home to go to.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home base.
Why does an orphan play soccer?
Because it's the only love they get.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.