Family jokes
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they gonna tell their parents?
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Kid: Are you gay?
Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
when your grampa hears your music
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
What's an Asian orphan's surname? No Pham.
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
Your Da.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
Why was Aaron's mum sad? The bus missed Aaron.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
Ya mums, ya dad.
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.