Family jokes
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
Why can orphans only have iPhone 13s?
Because there is no home button.
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
Your mama's so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it said, "Viewer discretion advised!"
The thing my mom birthed.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Why did your father go away?
'Cause he needs da milk.
Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?
They don't have parents to protect them.
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
What did the orphan say to the adopter?
Nothing, he just stared.
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]