Family jokes
If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Imagine if Batman had a family reunion!
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Where can't orphans park?
Parent child.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
Sister.
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.