Family jokes
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
me when my mom wakes me up!
I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
At an orphan's funeral, you say, "Your dad came back."
Guys, what do you call an un-aborted and parentless child?...
An orphan.