Family jokes

Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.

What flour do you buy an orphan?

Self-raising flour.

Why do orphans commit crimes?

Because they want to be wanted.

The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!

Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?

Because they weren't even wanted.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know home base.

Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can't get home.

I asked a child where their parents were. They started to cry. I laughed and walked out of an orphanage.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't see home.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?

Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because no one came back with any.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

Why can you hit an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

What's the best competition to do with an orphan?

Which orphan had their parent for the longest?