Family jokes
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
My bro’s parents died, but he didn’t know why.
Turns out they died because he was a failure, and he would be going to an orphanage in 4 days.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
Why can't orphans ride a bike?
'Cause their parents won't follow them.
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
Lil Johnny went to school and said, "Teacher, if you let me poop my pants, I will let you have my dad and his money. Will you do it, Mrs. Johnson?"
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Orphans don't have phones because the home button doesn't work.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.
Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.
What did the dad say to the kid?
Nothing, he went to get the milk.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.
"Ethan is gay," you say that, but first, who asked? And second, where's your mum at? Correction, where's your family, so how dare you? Now in the comments say sorry, or I'm coming for you! 😡😡😜😝