Family jokes

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?

The apples actually get picked.

What do you do when you are angry with an orphan? Hit them.

It's not like they can tell their parents.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can't go home.

Teacher: I am an orphan.

Students: Oof.

Teacher: Is there anyone missing?

Students: Your parents!

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One gets picked.

I hate adopted kids. They are ugly and stupid, lmao.

What’s an orphan’s favorite school event?

Homecoming.

What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?

Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.

Q: What type of flowers do orphans hate? A: Mums.

Ur mom loves to eat logs, lmao.

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

What do you call a picture of an orphan? A selfie.

The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can’t find their way home.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.

Why can't orphans be in charge of making web pages?

Because they can't add a home page.