Family jokes
My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.
A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"
Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"
The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I can smell your kids!
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"
The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
The man said, "Your parents."
My brother: What are you looking at?
Me: A mistake.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home run.
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!