Family jokes
"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"
My son is broken: "I think at home!"
Happiness!
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.
What is the difference between an orphan and a phone?
A phone has a home button.
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Why do orphans use iPhone X's?
Because they can't find home.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.