Family jokes

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.

I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.

Your mama is so ugly, she doesn't have to flush the toilet. She already scared the shit out of it.

I made an orphan website.

But it did not have a home page.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.

Knock knock, who's there? God.

God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?

They both cannot see their family.

What did Onett and Threed reply to their child?

"I love you Twoson."

What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?

Aaron.

You can't give an orphan homework.

What do orphans in Batman have in common? They'll never see their parents again.

Your dad is your mom.

I made a website for orphans.

There’s no homepage.

Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."

Student: "That’s sad."

Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"

Student: "Your parents."