My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Kid: I need help!
Mom: Help your balls.
My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!
Yo mama so stupid, you could not even be born because of her idioticness.
I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.
Who's an orphan?
You are.
Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
His parents were on the other side!
Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol
Q. When is your grandfather's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.
What's a name orphans hate to be called?
"Homie."
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.
She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...
