Family jokes
Why can't the orphan play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Your mom.
Your dad!
Who needs parents to be great?
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
What kind of flour do orphans use to make bread?
Self-raising.
Person: You can't kill an orphan!
Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
What do you call a child with no family?
Names.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can go 1, 2, 3 but they can’t go home. 🤣
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.