Family jokes
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
If you're ever bored, beat up an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Roses are red, violets are black, your mum's so fat she sold her son for 10 Big Macs.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home base is.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
Only one is wanted.
Son: I love you, Dad.
Dad gets in car and drives away.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
How do you get an orphan sad?
You say you will tell their mom that they have been a baaaaaad boy.
I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.
Orphan: "What family?"