Family jokes
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
You should always be happy about family and love.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.
Your mum isn't home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
It doesn't know where home is.
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.