Family jokes
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
What comes to visit more often than your aunt? Your acne.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he gets to call someone father.
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
How did the orphan die?
Of sadness.
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
It doesn't know where home is.
Your mum isn't home.
Why can't orphans have friends?
They will stay together.
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
What’s an orphan's favorite game?
Catch.
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!