Family jokes

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Ur mom gay lololololololol.

What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?

Cancer.

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

I told my mother I'm a sexy cunt. She said, "No, you got cancer, you twat."

Orphans are depressed, hahaha.

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”

My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.

That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?

What would you call a cover for your cock?

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

Louie's parents tried this.

Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?

A: What.

Bob: Siri, call 666!

*dialing noises*

Bob: Hello?

Bob's dad: Hi!

Girl: I like girls.

Dad: Ok?

Girl 2: I like girls too.

Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!

Boy: I do.

Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?

Because they can’t hit the home button.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me, so they can get adopted.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!