Family jokes
I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?
I love working at an orphanage.
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with... CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."
Person: You can't kill an orphan!
Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
Why do orphans play tennis?
So they can be loved.
Orphans have it lucky.
When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."
When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run. 😭
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don't orphans call...
Because they can't call home.