Family jokes
Your mom is hot.
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
What's an orphan's favorite battle zone? The home front.
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
B b b b bird bird bird, the bird banged your mom!
As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
Who does an orphan play soccer with?
No one.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.
Q: What movie do orphans hate?
A: Fatherhood.
What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
Because they can't run home.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.