Family jokes

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

What is a "dad?"

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

I fucked your mom.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.

The things you do for your cousins!

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dad!

Dad who?

Silence.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause they don't know where home is.

Why do people adopt orphans?

They get cash.

Why do orphans like boomerangs so much?

Because they come back.

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?

Oh... one comes back.

Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?

Because they don’t have a sister.