Family jokes
What’s an orphan’s favourite movie?
Spider-Man: Homecoming.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
Why did the orphan not play baseball? Because he couldn't find home.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"
The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Why do orphans have an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
The orphan can’t play soccer because he doesn’t know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.
Why can't orphanages play baseball?
Because there's no home to go to.
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
Hey, don’t Orpheus have friends because people do have family?
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.
David: Isn't that illegal?
Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.
David: I hate my life.