Family jokes
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
Why does an orphan not play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
Oh... one comes back.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!