Family jokes
Why does an orphan not play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?
Was your birthday?
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
Memes
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
What’s the difference between 3 cocks and my sister?
My sister can’t take a joke about cocks in bed.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
Who does an orphan play soccer with?
No one.
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"