Family jokes
Why can't orphans go to field trips?
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What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
Memes
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
It doesn't know where home is.
Your mum isn't home.
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What’s an orphan's favorite game?
Catch.