Family jokes

I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...

You and your mom.

So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

And then I feed him my dick.

What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?

Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.

I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.

Why don’t orphans play football?

They have no home field.

Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.

Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

Once I sucked my mum's titties. Most adopted people won't know about that.

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

What is a "dad?"

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

I fucked your mom.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.