Family jokes

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

How do you find a redneck virgin?

Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.

If you have sex and your African parents find out,

“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

I fucked your mom.

Why do people adopt orphans?

They get cash.

Why do orphans like boomerangs so much?

Because they come back.

You know what orphans and I have in common? Our dads both left for the milk.

Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.

Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.

Silence...................punch!

What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?

Her dad didn't beat cancer.

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?

Ask an orphan.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

Why are orphans very abusive to their kids?

Because they never had loving parents of their own.

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?

'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...

Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.

A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."

Why can't orphans bake?

They don't have milk.