Family jokes
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?
Because they were triplets!
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.
'Cause they sell oden, not a family.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.
What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”