Family jokes

Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.

What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.

Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.

Orphans get family-sized chips for free.

How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.

Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!

We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.