Family jokes
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Why did the orphan go to the woods? To take a *what*?
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
They can never find home.
David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son?
Answer: David.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.
Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?
Whoever said that about me better pray!
My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
Yo mama's cheeks are red, I don't know why.
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.
Why do orphans want parents? Because they don't want to be left out.
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Yo mama so fat...
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mother!
Mother who?
It's your mother.