Family jokes

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They ain't got no home to run to.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

Does a midget count as an orphan?

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?

About nine months and a day.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

Explain bear still lives in his mother's basement.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.