Family

Family jokes

Orphanage

    • When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

    Child

    • How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

    Apparently not enough to impress him.

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    • Pain

    • A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.

    They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.

    Family memes

    Wall

    • "Is Mrs. Wall here?"

    "No."

    "Is Mr. Wall here?"

    "No."

    "Then what is holding up the walls?"

    Yo mama

    • - Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

    - Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

    - Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

    - Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

    - Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

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    • Sex

    • My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

    Car

    • A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

    She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

    The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

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    • Pasta

    • My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

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