Family jokes
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?
A: Because they can't find home.
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.
Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.