My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
Family Jokes
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?
Orphan: "My Parents."
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.
Why could the orphan never be gay?
Because he had nobody to call "daddy."
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?
So they can spell "home."
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?
Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
