Family jokes

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My father didn’t beat cancer.

Jimmy: Your mom is gay.

Me: No, you.

Jimmy: I have no mom.

I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

Why don’t orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call “daddy.”

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

You're so skinny, your mom actually enjoyed your birth!

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?

Orphan: "My Parents."

I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"

"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?

A: "I'm calling your parents!"

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."