Family jokes
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're never wanted.
What flour do orphans use to bake bread?
Self-raising.
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
All orphans must hate the LGBTQIA+ because they are home-o-phobic.
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
...
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dad!
Dad who?
*Silence*
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?
A: Because they can't find home.
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.