Family jokes
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find the first base they came from.
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.