Family jokes
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
What's the difference between an orphan and Stuart Little?
Stuart Little got chosen!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.
What would they do? Go to their family?
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Why can’t an orphan get arrested?
Because they're not wanted.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
I made Google Earth for orphan kids.
Sadly, it does not show where home is.
What's the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
The criminal is wanted.
Why are orphans so lucky?
Every crisp packet is family sized.
What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home.
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why was the orphan confused at the baseball game?
They kept yelling, "Go home!"
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."