Family jokes
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
It's not incest if you're adopted.
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
Stop telling orphan jokes before they tell their parents.
Oh wait, they don't have any, please continue.
What do you do when you're bored?
I beat up orphans.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What do orphans and Spider-Man have in common?
They both have no way home.
Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.
Orphan: Realizes.
Technoblade: I'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans.
Quackity: What is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans???
Technoblade: Quackity..... they're orphans.
(Disclaimer: not funny xD)
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Because their daddy still hasn't come home with the milk.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?