Family jokes
Why is an orphan afraid to play baseball?
They are afraid they won't find home.
Why do orphans like robbing banks?
So they can be wanted.
Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”