Family jokes
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Hollow Knight Meme
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't get home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make a homerun. 😂😂
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.