Family jokes
Nobody likes you because you are an orphan.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
Why can’t orphanage kids play baseball?
Cause they don’t know where home is.
I like chips.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
Q: Why are orphans bad at baseball?
A: They can’t find home.
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?
They both cheated!