Family jokes
Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn!
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
What type of flower does an orphan use?
Self-raising flour.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?
He has family ties.
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.