Family jokes
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
Why do orphans sit in apple trees?
They wait to be picked.
What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
Memes
when my dad facetimes me
Why doesn't the orphan have a nationality?
He doesn't have a motherland.
Why do orphans eat dry cereal for breakfast?
They're still waiting for their dad to come back with the milk.
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball??
They can’t hit a home run! 😂
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their parents.