Family jokes

What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐

Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.

No one is taking it harder than grandpa.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.

Your mum!

I'm doin' your mom. Yes, yours!

I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers. Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen but her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans. I approached her in the checkout line, and said, "Yo baby wassup?" She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs. Five minutes later she agreed to get with me so we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart. I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start. She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again. How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it. She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it. Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Why is it OK to hit an orphan?

Because they can’t tell their parents.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

Hi, Dad.

What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?

One is loved by all.

Like if you don't have a dad.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they can't find home or return it.