Family jokes

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

Why does an orphan like home base? Because he doesn't have one.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

What type of phones do orphans have?

IPhone XR—it has no home button.

Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.

Why did the orphan join the baseball team?

Because he knew when he got to third base he could head home.

Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

Why can’t an orphan play baseball??

They can’t hit a home run! 😂

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

What is an orphan's favorite movie? Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Why do orphans play GTA 5?

To get wanted!

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.