I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Family Jokes
What type of flower does an orphan use?
Self-raising flour.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?
He has family ties.
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
What type of flour do orphans use to bake with...? Self-raising flour!
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
Kids?
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Your nan.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
