Family jokes

A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.

"What's she like?" he asked the boy.

"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked.

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

My sister keeps cursing... so I made fun of her... "fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk", fowl language is for chickens!

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

The boy said, "No, I don't know."

She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

She said to him, "No, who is she?"

He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

Why couldn’t the orphan find home?

Didn’t have eyes.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.