Family jokes

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

Why couldn’t the orphan find home?

Didn’t have eyes.

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?

Lego, so he can build a home.

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?

'Cause they can't make it family friendly.

Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Your nan's bald.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Ur mom fat lol.

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!