Family Jokes

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

Why can't an orphan make a YouTube channel?

'Cause they can't make it family friendly.

Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

The image shows Jesus with rays of light pointing at a crying teenager. The text on the image reads: "emo bands", "lyrics about how hard life is" and "13 yr olds on vacation with their parents".

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

Your nan's bald.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Ur mom fat lol.

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."