Family jokes

Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?

Kids: Me!

Man: *unzips fly*

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.

Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.

My sister keeps cursing... so I made fun of her... "fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk fuk", fowl language is for chickens!

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.

Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!

So, three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother. The first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So, the mother replies, "Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead." The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So, the mother explained, "Same as Daisy, when we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead." The third daughter then said "ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb," so the mother said, "Shut up, Brick!"

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

The boy said, "No, I don't know."

She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

She said to him, "No, who is she?"

He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.

What do orphans have in common with mute children?

They can't talk to their parents.

I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

Why couldn’t the orphan find home?

Didn’t have eyes.