Family jokes

Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?

Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

Why did the orphan play GTA? Because he wanted to feel the wanted level.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: They have no one to call "daddy."

I remember my uncle's last words:

"I don't think we're going shooting today."

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

My sister reminds me of 911: one moan of "OMG" got everyone's attention.

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?

A. Denephew.

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

The mother and her daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The mother realized this and took off looking for her. After a while, she found her tugging on a black man. The mother asked, "What are you doing?" and the daughter replied, "I wan't the chocolate!"

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.