Family jokes

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?

Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."

Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

I made an orphan website. It does not have a home page.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

Why can't an orphan play basketball?

Because no one will be cheering them on.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"