Family jokes

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

A father of a young girl comes to meet the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried!

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

An orphan walks into a science lab. The lead scientist greets him and takes him to a DNA testing station. After some procedures, the results come back:

"UNKNOWN"

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because the parents are in every episode.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?

Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

Does a midget count as an orphan?

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.

She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭

Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?

They can't find home. 🤣

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”