Family jokes
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
Question and answer 🙄
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?
A: Her dad pushed her.
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
You know I'm not too into black girls, but Kobe's daughter was smoking!
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
Why do the orphans keep going back to the orphan home?
Because they got no home to go to, yeah, please like this and laugh because I got no one to read this.
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.