Family jokes
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
Like this if you are in foster care.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Q: Why did Sally fall off the building?
A: Her dad pushed her.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..
They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
Cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
Yo mama so clueless, she sat on the TV to watch the couch.