Family jokes
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.
Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!
Wait, what Billy?
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.
I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"
She started crying.
Why can’t orphans use computers?
Because they don’t have a homepage.
I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.
Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.
Why do orphans play GTA5 so much?
So they could be wanted.
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!
Orphan: *sits there sadly*
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
Why can’t you give an orphan homework?
Because they don’t have a home to do it in.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.