Family Jokes

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.

I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"

She started crying.

Why can’t orphans use computers?

Because they don’t have a homepage.

The image shows a series of posts. The first post asks, "Remember in college you were making out with Betty from your CompSci class and she put a finger up your butt. So you started questioning your sexual preference?" with a reply, "IT WAS MY FINGER BARRY!". The second post starts with, "Remember when you were jacking off with no clothes on for the first time just to try it out? Remember when your Mom walked by and saw everything, even though you were sure that you had closed the door?" followed by the reply, "It was me, Barry! I opened the door! And don't think for a moment that I didn't see everything too!!". The third post reads, "Remember that wet dream that ruined your favorite cartoon bed spread as a teen?!" with the reply "IT WAS ME, BARRY! I JERKED YOU OFF IN YOUR SLEEP!!"

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.

Why do orphans play GTA5 so much?

So they could be wanted.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

Principal: You're being bad. I'm gonna need to call your parents!

Orphan: *sits there sadly*

Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.

Why can’t you give an orphan homework?

Because they don’t have a home to do it in.

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

Me nan.

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They can’t find home.

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."