Family Jokes

What do you say after committing incest?

No Chromo!

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are a fine African meal." then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, "what poor taste?"

Police: Where do u live Me: With my parents Police: Where your parents live Me: With me Police: Where do you all live Me: Together Police: where is your house Me: Next to my neighbor Police: Where is your neighbor’s house Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house

Hey Siri, where is my dad? Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen! Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas. ...WhAT-

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say "where are your parents?" the kid says "What are parents?

What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?

His life insurance...

I wish my dad was home I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008

Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

Richard: Mom, someone called me gay. Richard's mom: Why didn't you slap him across him face. Richard: No, I couldn't. Richard's mom: Why. Richard: Because he was cute.

Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID. Son (in a happy tone): I know. Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad? Son: Well yesterday you told me to spread positivity.

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.

a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

9 months later they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

2 years later they went up again then their daughter had a brother.

But 1 little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother..

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she's going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he's Doing REALLY Well