Family jokes
Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?
My sister wearing all the world's makeup.
Sister: Just a little.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What is an orphan's first phone?
An iPhone 12. Wanna know why?
It has no home button :D
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
Why can't an orphan hit a home run? Because they don't know where home is.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
What’s an orphan’s favorite school event?
Homecoming.
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're adopted!"
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?
"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.
Why don't orphans have iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.