Family jokes

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?

"Spiderman: No Way Home."

Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.