One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
Little Johnny's mom is taking a shower. Little Johnny walks in and asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Mommy says, "That is my keyhole." The next day, Little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and Little Johnny asks, "What is that in between your legs?" Daddy says, "That is my key." The next day Little Johnny says to his dad, "Looks like the neighbor has the key to Mommy's keyhole too."
Your hairline is so far back, it left before your dad.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."
Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."
Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
Some people think incest jokes are funny.
I just think it's all relative.
What's missing in an orphanage computer?
"The motherboard."
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?
"Spiderman: No Way Home."
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
