Family jokes
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t run to home.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
Father's Day is a dad joke.
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
no no no no no no no no no
What’s the difference between a dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
Your Nan is dead.
Why was the orphan so famous?
Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why does an orphan play soccer?
Because it's the only love they get.
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
Your mom.
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.
He was fired from his job.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
The thing my mom birthed.
There are two sexes: one with your mother and the other with you.