Family jokes
Why do orphans pray to God?
So they have someone to call father.
I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
Why are orphans bad at hide and seek?
Because they can’t find their parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home. 😀😀
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What do you call an orphan?
Homeless.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.