Family jokes
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
Why did the orphan wait in line?
To see their parents next.
Why do orphans hate cricket?
Because they can't get a "homerun."
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
I think I was a little too harsh on Jason.
Anybody who was conceived in the back of a pickup truck during a family reunion is bound to have a few issues.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
What is the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."
And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.
What is an orphan's favorite song? "Lost Boy."