Family jokes
I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.
I think we know why.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Little Johnny's dad was drunk and told him to grow up, and he said, "STFU, you need to be young, you big-ass bitch!"
Ok guys, I think we should stop being mean. That will tell their grandparents.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.
Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What is an orphan's favorite song?
"Home."
What do u call a girl that runs faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin!
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Why can't orphans have a funeral? Because their parents won't be there.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.