Family jokes

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

Yo, sis, come here.

Sis: What?

Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?

Sis: Yup.

Me: Can I go?

Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.

Me: I love you.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?

A: Because they were a racquet!

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

Why can't orphans walk through doors?

Because they don't have a house to walk into.

Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.