Family jokes
I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Friend: Hey, wanna race home?
Orphan: What home?
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?