Family jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!

Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.

What did the adopted poker player say?

"Will you raise me?"

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

One time I was watching TV.

Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!

Me: Omg, really?

Mom: Sike, I lied.

Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"

Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*

I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.

Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

Why does an orphan play GTA?

To get wanted.

I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I got the joke from my brother.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Your mom.

Fuck you you rwind my life.