A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
Me: Hey, are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
What do you call an orphan?
Homeless.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈
Friend: Hey, wanna race home?
Orphan: What home?
Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
