Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
