Family jokes

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.

My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.

What cookies did the orphans never try?

Home made cookies!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

What's a penguin's favorite relative?

Aunt Arctic.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.