Family jokes
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
What's an orphan's least favorite game?
Baseball because they can't find home plate.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
He wanted to be wanted.
Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.
ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.
What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.