Family jokes
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.