Family jokes

Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."

Boy: "What's that?"

Grandpa: "What's what?"

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?

None. Neither can see their parents.

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

Why do orphans cause trouble at school?

So the teachers will call their parents.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.

What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?

One has more channels.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

Q. Why do orphans love elevators?

A. Because they're the only things to raise them.