Family jokes
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They never reach home.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
What's an orphan's favorite band?
Foster the People 😂
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
What's an orphan's least favorite game?
Baseball because they can't find home plate.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."