What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
Family Jokes
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.
