Family jokes
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
My dad died lol.
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
Yo mama is so stupid, she had to retake preschool 20 times!
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.
Ur mom gay, lol.
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.