One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
Why was Aaron's mum sad? The bus missed Aaron.
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
