What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
Family Jokes
You're not my dad.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.
Kids?
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Yo mama is so ugly she's really the reason phone screens cracked!
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
Stephen Hawking's family was cruel. He fell over and got told to man up and walk it off.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
Why was Aaron's mum sad? The bus missed Aaron.
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
