Family jokes
My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.
Ur mom gay, lol.
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.
My brother finally got his driver's license, so he took our new car out for a spin.
At least now I can have his phone he left.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE
Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"
Phone rings; "Are your parents home?"
Orphan; "Stop calling here!"
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.