Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Who's the closest family member to Paul Walker?
Answer: The tree.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
They actually come back.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan Vin Diesel has family
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
Fosters.
