Family jokes
How did a man know his wife died?
Dishis start piling up.
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
Your hairline is so ugly, like your mum.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
He could never get a home run.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
Why don’t orphans live in villages?
Because they will get abandoned.
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.