Family jokes
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
Fosters.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can never do a home run.
An advantage of being an orphan: the teacher can't give you any homework.
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
I once told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man because he is far from home.
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?
They can't have sex.
"Why?"
Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.
Yo mama so lazy that she didn’t give birth to you until you were 15.