Family

Family Jokes

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?