What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan Vin Diesel has family
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What’s the worst joke ever, your parent’s relationship.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
An advantage of being an orphan the teacher can't give you any homework
I once told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man because he is far from home.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
