Family jokes
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
What will happen if orphans use an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
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Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Why do some kids have water with their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.