Family jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."

Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?

To see his closest relatives.

Mom: I'm getting you a dog!

Me: OMG REALLY?!

Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?

Me:...

Me: Bitch, please.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Ur mum—oh wait, you don't have that.

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

Pikachu, I choose you!

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

Why can you hit an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

Why are orphans never in jail?

Because they're never wanted.

Why do orphans hate cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What is the difference between apples and orphans?........... The apple gets picked.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they do not know where home is.

Why do orphans wish they had a bounty on them so that they can be wanted?

I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.