Family jokes
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.
Onions was a good dog.
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I saw you when I got chance at the adoption center!
Hi, are you even my sister?
Yes, I am.
No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.
When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.
That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Orphans are so useless even their parents agree.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
Why can you hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient times?
Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"
Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!