Family jokes
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?
He thought his son sucked!
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
I don't got free candy. It costs child support.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home plate.
Why don't orphans learn about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked!
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.