Family

Family jokes

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?

By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

Because they aren't family!

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.