Faith jokes
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
Religion
Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
Christianity.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
God.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"