How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
Faith Jokes
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.
For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!
What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails.
Jesus.
Wanna hear a joke?
Jesus being real.
When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"
If you're a crucified savior, clap your hands.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...
Why can Jesus walk on water?
Because rubbish floats.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go!
If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder), will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian?
That was my brain teaser for you guys! Make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
Priest
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?
The picture only takes one nail to hang.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
You are family.
