Failing jokes
Yo mama is so fat, she jumped into the air and got stuck!
Why did Al Qaeda fail geometry?
'Cause they ruined the Pentagon.
I had to write an essay about Africa, and I failed because I plagiarized the Hunger Games script.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
Blame Austria for creating Hitler, who we know today. He failed art school.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?
Dial-ISIS!
Why did the orphan get kicked off the baseball team?
He would never make it home base.
You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.