I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Yo mama so ugly, she made everybody's face fall off.
I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...
Your face!
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
Mo sal. F.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
