Escape

Escape jokes

Pedophile

    • A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”

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    • Prison

    • A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

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    • Donald Trump

    • I'm shocked about Donald Trump escaping the transgender accusations. Trump is more talkative than any of the popular girls I went to school with! Not to mention Trump's tweets...

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    • Houdini

    • What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.

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    • Escape memes

    Man

    • A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.

    Man: "Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will you be my girlfriend?"

    Girl: "No, because you have a gun and a sword."

    Man: "But I am already in love with you."

    And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.

    The girl is glad that he has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.

    Man: "Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl."

    And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.

    Man: "And here is some candy."

    And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.

    One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."

    Girl: "I hate you, ugly man!"

    Man: "Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?"

    The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-"

    And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw, so he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.

    999 Service Guy: "999, what's your emergency?"

    Old man: "I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword in his bag."

    999 Service Guy: "Okay, no worries."

    1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.

    Guy sitting at a table in the bar: "That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him."

    And the police show up.

    First Policeman: "Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?"

    The girl points to the man and says "This man."

    Second Policeman: "Let's arrest him."

    Man: "No, wait! I can explain."

    Third Policeman: "Get in the back of the car."

    When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."

    One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.

    The police see him and run after him.

    Third Policeman: "Come back here!"

    The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running, so the police shoot him and he dies.

    And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.

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    • Robber

    • Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

    So he could make a clean getaway!

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    • Dad

    • My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

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    • Children

    • A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.

    Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?

    Rabbi: Fuck the children!

    Priest: Do we have time?

    Gay Guy

    • Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

    A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

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    • Criminal

    • A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

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    • Dog

    • If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

    They're trained for that.

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