Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A Small Medium at Large.
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
How did the chicken 🐔 feel after escaping the fry cook?
Clucky!
There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.
One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?
Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"
They didn't reply.
I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...
What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?
People jumped off a building to escape it.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed, turns out the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
