The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...
"Don't let your guard down."
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
βGet under my robes,β says the nun. βNo one will look for you there.β The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, βHey, thatβs a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.β
βYeah, well if you look a bit higher youβll see a fine set of balls,β replies the nun. βI didn't want to get drafted either.β
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Terorist: we can go over it, we canβt go under it, letβs go through it.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Why did the prisoner run away?
To spit bars.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Why couldn't the rape victim run away?
Because she was dead.
What did the koala do when he was too educated?
He ran away from koalapidia.
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
"Ukraine be like Escape to Witch Mountain!"
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
