Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
What's the favorite Spiderman film for orphans?
Homecoming.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
What movie does an orphan hate?
- No Way Home.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
I see you guys have SANS-ational jokes!
Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
Wanna hear a joke about the Flash?
"Never mind, it's too fast."
"Hotel Rwanda" has a high score on Rotten Tomatoes, but their Yelp reviews are terrible.
What show do orphans hate?
Family Guy.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.
