Emotion jokes
Why was the cookie angry? Because someone ate the chips!
My grief counselor died the other day.
He was so good at his job, I don't even care.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
School shooting: Happens.
Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.
American Student: "First time?"
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
What's the difference between babies and onions?
You don't cry cutting up babies.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Well, you don't have to cry about it, Gary.
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
"Knock knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Depression"
"Depression wh-"
ME!! *runs away*
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!
When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.