Emotion jokes

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

It's not rape if you're both crying.

Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

What do you call a depressed person?

Me.

If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What do you call the whole population turning into emos?

The Great Depression.

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.

The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate.

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."

- Charlie Chaplin

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.