Emotion jokes
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
My heart says to stop because it hurts.
Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.
Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.
My favorite joke is my life.
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? He was feeling bonely.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.